02-19-2017, 07:27 AM
The language is lush, melodic and compelling, but I don't understand all the parts.
Sparky, sparkle-plenty, chameleon and blondie, [these are obviously nicknames she's used]
she loved anything tender or unique.
Sweet endearments and older friends,
it makes her feel bad she doesn't cherish any of them. ["them" meaning the friends, right?]
This one soared in lightyear speed -- ["this one" means a nickname, or a friend?]
through the narrowest wires in her mind;
to within the network she held her deepest creed. [she sounds shallow, so "deepest creed" sounds wrong]
She's falling short, she'd often find. [in what way is she falling short?]
Eyes follow the soul, [
what's right takes its toll. [not sure of the significance of these two lines]
They give true glimpses [it took me a while to realize that "They" meant "eyes"]
of failed outward instance. [can we have an example of "failed outward instance"?]
Of all the nicknames she could invite,
all the gifts in all of time,
'Diamond Eyes' walked in and burned pure light ["Diamond eyes" is a person and not a nickname, right?
into her cloaked and never sought soul. "walked in" made me think of a person]
Now her soul felt the shine,
as soul and wires combined. [from this I gather she fell in love? or is this entire stanza still about nicknames?]
Then again, maybe it wasn't meant that way at all. [not sure what "it" is]
I acknowledge that I can be somewhat dense when interpreting poems. Also, a certain amount of vagueness in a poem is generally accepted these days, although that's a trends I don't like. Even so -- if you would make your meaning more explicit, I think you'd have a magnificent poem. You have a way of combining words that is delicious; I just want to understand the meaning a little better.
Sparky, sparkle-plenty, chameleon and blondie, [these are obviously nicknames she's used]
she loved anything tender or unique.
Sweet endearments and older friends,
it makes her feel bad she doesn't cherish any of them. ["them" meaning the friends, right?]
This one soared in lightyear speed -- ["this one" means a nickname, or a friend?]
through the narrowest wires in her mind;
to within the network she held her deepest creed. [she sounds shallow, so "deepest creed" sounds wrong]
She's falling short, she'd often find. [in what way is she falling short?]
Eyes follow the soul, [
what's right takes its toll. [not sure of the significance of these two lines]
They give true glimpses [it took me a while to realize that "They" meant "eyes"]
of failed outward instance. [can we have an example of "failed outward instance"?]
Of all the nicknames she could invite,
all the gifts in all of time,
'Diamond Eyes' walked in and burned pure light ["Diamond eyes" is a person and not a nickname, right?
into her cloaked and never sought soul. "walked in" made me think of a person]
Now her soul felt the shine,
as soul and wires combined. [from this I gather she fell in love? or is this entire stanza still about nicknames?]
Then again, maybe it wasn't meant that way at all. [not sure what "it" is]
I acknowledge that I can be somewhat dense when interpreting poems. Also, a certain amount of vagueness in a poem is generally accepted these days, although that's a trends I don't like. Even so -- if you would make your meaning more explicit, I think you'd have a magnificent poem. You have a way of combining words that is delicious; I just want to understand the meaning a little better.