Crystal Time Machine

[Donald Q.]

  

Revision 1
Crystal columns stand reliably stationed  'Stand' and 'stationed feel like they are saying the same thing at the moment.
as their sharply-cut facets glimmer in hasten,  'In hasten' doesn't make sense to me. 
scattering recollects into mind, of whats what's been, Scattering recollections, perhaps?       
and should be. 

This cage - gives illusion of space and light,   The dash is pointless 
but exacts entrapment of days.                        
Which shade will shine in,                              
only to glint back out?  I can see what you are saying in this stanza, but the wording is confusing.

Pressed face against
light-infused, glossy and glinting rails, 
permeable eyes peering through; 
her entranced form pulls away. 

Raise of brow, knowingly,
bow of chin, solidly.
She pilfers their thought, concretely:   Is this stanza a chinese proverb? A quotation from Yoda? Read it out loud, see how you feel about the phrasing. 

“You see my asking eyes.“   I am unsure about this use of quotation marks. The poem is already communicating, this seems like an unneeded device.

Those azure spheres used to contain and restrain, 
used to hide some that abides.
This time as two trailing Beryl rockets, undocked.  Rockets undocked is interesting, but the previous two lines are a bit heavy-handed in the rhyme. 

Still, her mortal immured. Glass gridlock. Glass gridlock is nice
More still, a beautiful construct. 
Even yet, who is the architect?

Regret is so damn delicate. 
Free to step forward,
not back?

Transparent bars, 
prove most jailing.  'Most jailing' seems incorrect
Even more revealing.   Both here and in the next stanza the 'even more' phrase feels a bit odd. 

Solid structures,
prove most trying.
Even more instructing. ??

Bolt, screw, sprocket and wheel,     
a grease marked mechanic 
welds her own epochs real.  Grammar 'epochs real'???

Wished for machines 
do sound supreme, The grammar makes this very confusing.
but toil our being
when no longer a dream.  Overdoing the rhyme somewhat, also grammatically a bit stodgy 

If she can shatter a way out, 
sound the pitch of more pain,
why not shatter what’s come about,
drown the timbre of sorrowful, dried rain? 

((( OR, instead of the above stanza:

If she can shatter her way out, 
rev the engines of pain,
Why not shatter whats come about, 
filter the smog from revving in vain?

A better fit with the theme? )))   I can't really comment on which of these stanzas to use because the sense of the poem is still buried for me.

Her glazed blues fathom its beauty,
though fantasizing ears hear a smash. 
Really, she had a golden ticket;
but this one way crystal time machine,
is not solely hers to crash.

Hello Chels. I love the idea of a fragile time machine, but your execution is sloppy. It's difficult to crit the content at the moment because the grammar and structure of the poem are a bit free-wheeling. Also you switch tense at random, further adding to the disconnect. Clearly you have plenty of ideas here, which is great, but I think you need to tidy things up and give some clarity to the poem. Although it might sound daft, reading your poem aloud may help in further drafts. Go back and work on the clarity of your images and themes, rather than the rhymes and repetition which are hampering it at the moment. Also be more rigorous with your grammar, I look forward to reading a redraft, cheers!