For Mae

[Caleb Murdock]

Somehow I missed this poem up until now.  I like it quite a bit.  My comments in blue are thoughts and suggestions.


Today I'm collecting shells
and the wind is rushing by me
like it's going to miss
its own wedding.     [I like this staza, and the next stanza too]

Britney Spears is thirty five!
Holy hell.

We'd be sisters-in-law if I'd married Jared
and you'd married Seth like we'd planned.
I'll never forgive Seth—
he collects exes like baseball cards.
Remember how he whipped
that softball at you from second base
after you broke it off with him?
He broke your nose

     [the third stanza doesn't flow quite as well as the rest of the poem, in my opinion]

and you dismissed it
like it was your fault                            [I'd prefer "as if it were" -- sounds more poetic]
for taking your eye off the ball
(was that before or after his arrest?) [is this needed?][/font]
The ball came at you with such force—
no one thinks you just missed.            [add "it" at the end]
He was the best player on the team,     [semicolon at end]
and his aim never wavered.                [remove "and"]

You know what I miss?
Saved by the Bell and collecting
cards of New Kids on the Block.
I liked Jonathan,
you liked Jordan—
we said we'd be sisters.

I miss the family we never were—
the family we always were.    [good ironic ending]


This is a good poem without a doubt!  It's not a heavy or ambitious poem, but it is clear and says what it says well.