Crystal Time Machine

[Lizzie]

Hi Chels. There's impressionistic and then there's inscrutable. This one is falling into the latter category for me. What sucks is that I feel like you have good imagery in there and potentially a good meta-metaphor, but I think you need to offer some more clarity, something at all solid for the reader to latch on to. Ok, I admit you've done that some with the title, more is needed, I think. One thing that's particularly grating is the sporadic use of punctuation that leaves this reader wondering which descriptive phrases to group together. I'll illustrate:

Crystal columns reliably stationed
facets glimmer recollect
what’s been, what should be.

This could be:
Crystal columns reliably stationed --
facets glimmer,
recollect what's been, what should be

or it could be:
Crystal columns -- reliably stationed facets --
glimmer, recollect what's been....

It affects the meaning. There's enough for the reader to "figure out," you want your imagery to be clear at least.

Illusion of space and light
but entrapment of days.
Which shade will shine in?

Pressed face against glass rails,
permeable eyes peering through;
her entranced form pulls away

raise of brow, knowingly,
bow of chin, solidly.
She pilfers thought, concretely:

“You see my asking eyes.“

Times past, they contained and restrained,
used to hide some that abides.
This time, as two ships undocked.

Still she’s immured, glass gridlock.
More still, a beautiful construct.
Even yet, who is the architect?

Regret is so damn delicate.
Free to step forward,
not back?

Transparent bars
prove most jailing
even more revealing

if she can shatter a way out,
sound the pitch of more pain,
why not shatter what’s come about,
drown the timbre of sorrowful, dried rain?

Simple structures
prove most trying
even more instructing

glazed blues fathom beauty,
though ears imagine its smash.
Really, she had a golden ticket;
but this one way crystal time machine,
is not hers to crash.

My advice to you is to structure/punctuate differently to make the individual images pop out, and then go from there.

I'll give it another read if/when you edit.

Hope this helps. Thanks for posting, and welcome to the site.

Lizzie