Pietà

[Todd]

This will probably be an odd critique for this workshop as I tend to do a line by line or something more thorough. You had something interesting going on with the original version. There was a greater sense of focus. When you consider your title it's like you opted in the revision for the block of marble instead of the sculpture. Instead of making definite, focused choices you allowed yourself to go on flourishes and choose all of the above for every test answer. This is a clear less is more situation in my opinion. It's not that you don't come upon some interesting language in the revision, thinking through the idea of a binary infinity is sort of cool. I think though you need to return to a place of more focus and greater control. Maybe strip this larger revision down again and see what demands to be there. I had ideas for your original playing around with your S1 something/nothing moment and carrying that sense of reversal drawing near/drawing apart throughout the rest of the poem. I think though I'll wait to see where you take this in the next version.

Not sure if that helps any but I hope it does.

Best,

Todd