caroline

[Achebe]

Silk screen of sweat on your shoulder
paralyzes me from across the room.
How I long to press my cheek there.
How I long to lay my head next to you.

I can't picture sweat as a screen. And silk screen leaves me cold. The silk is presumably because of the sheen. The metaphor of sweat as silk or as a screen then is dispensed with in the next two lines, so why bother having it in the first place.
Perhaps it'd be better attempted with a simile such as "sweat sits like silk on your shoulder" etc
The last two lines are a bit mundane. Not punchy enough for a short poem