02-16-2017, 01:33 PM
(06-13-2014, 02:11 PM)Brownlie Wrote: Not happy with the near rhyme at the end, but it seems to convey the point a little more clearly.
Assembled to a shining corpse
Unwrapping cellophane, ---- you could do something here with "sheen"
I crackle like a pagan fork,
And smoke my nicotine.
Maybe, "and smoke constricting veins," or "constricting far-off veins" --- you could rhyme ancillary with capillary. (I'm just being silly here)