Untied

[Winterloc]

Wow, great suggestions! I see how omitting repetitive words would be good, and I like your word choices. Good to know about the capitalization. I will have to try third/no person. Thank you for your time and input!! Looking forward to posting/reading more. 

 

I've tried opposing, tried walking the distance, no comma needed at end of this line?
To cross the cold barrier of safe encapsulated unattachment. meatier word than "cold" - "freezing" or "frigid?"
Attachment permeates every string strung through my body, "each" for "every" might read better
I stay. Crosswire of chaos, creation: order. Sobriety. keep wanting to read "Crosswise" for "Crosswire"

You see there are these things that sink a hook in my soul. "You" used only here... remove "You see," might also try "into" rather than "in" or "leave" instead of "sink" to avoid repeated "into" with next line
They pull me into their world of particulate: energy. Effect.  move colon to before "[e]ffect?"
These things engage, use me up, knit me complete into a clean quadratic cloth; no semicolon needed here?
Woven from strands of pure placidity: alignment of the mind.

But it - it wont let go with greater audacity.  "[T]his" for the first "it" to avoid repetition?  Also, "won't" rather than "wont" (unless you're alluding to wont as in a personal, habitual practice or desire)
I've tried running. 
Where others lure me in and use me up,
It lends fields of escape: cessation for the subservient soul.  "[S]ervile" for "subservient?"  Just a thought.

In that moment, no strings tugging: nothing tied to my core.  "hooked" or "fastened?"
In that moment, the strings come loose: safe. Untouchable.  would read better without "the," IMHO

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Intriguing and mystical.  In a spirit of mild to moderate critique, please don't regard all the above suggestions as more than that.   I confess to finding the poem a little opaque in detail, but fully appreciate the spirit.  At a more prosaic level, the feeling at the end of a stale relationship when you can't help humming "The Entertainer" at least silently as you walk lightly away.

In general, you don't abuse "the" but could still do with fewer of them.  For example, on the first line "walking the distance" is a cliche for which more engaging substitutes could come to mind if you deny yourself that "the."  Something involving "trekking" or "fleeing," perhaps?  "Marathoning?"

Your use of otherwise technical terms ("quadratic") is striking.  Would be interested in seeing other examples of your work, perhaps including some written in third person or no-person (without reference to, or only with implied point of view).

Thanks for posting!

P.S. Starting each line with a capital letter regardless of sentence structure is regarded by many on this site as archaic, i.e. they don't like it.  I see nothing wrong with the practice, being rather traditional, but mostly conform.  You may wish to see how your poem(s) look with capitalization restricted to start of sentences rather than at the beginning of each line.