Untied

[Winterloc]

I really appreciate the honest feedback. I gave a revision a go and I like it better. Some of the punctuation is still a little experimental, so... 


Revision 1:
I've tried opposing, tried trekking past the frigid barrier
to safe encapsulated autonomy.
Attachment saturates every string strung through my body;
suspended I stay, crosswise of energy
chaos  
creation and then - 
spontaneous order: sobriety.

There are these things that sink a hook in my sensing soul.
They pull me into their world of
"energy meet particulate" : effect. 
They engage, use up my excess, 
knit me complete into one clean quadratic cloth;
woven strands of pure placidity: alignment of the mind.

But this - it holds with greater audacity.
I've tried running. 
Where others lure me in and use me up,
it lends fields of escape: cessation for the servile soul. 

In that moment, no strings tugging: nothing cinched to my pliable core.
In that moment, strings come loose: safe. Untouchable.

---

TThanks in advance for reading.


I've tried opposing, tried walking the distance,
To cross the cold barrier of safe encapsulated unattachment.
Attachment permeates every string strung through my body,
I stay. Crosswire of chaos, creation: order. Sobriety.

You see there are these things that sink a hook in my soul.
They pull me into their world of particulate: energy. Effect. 
These things engage, use me up, knit me complete into a clean quadratic cloth;
Woven from strands of pure placidity: alignment of the mind.

But it - it does not take hold the same way yet wont let go with greater audacity.
I've tried running. 
Where others lure me in and use me up,
Its grip lends fields of escape: cessation for the subservient soul. 

In that moment, no strings tugging: nothing tied to my core.
In that moment, the strings come loose: safe. Untouchable.