Fetish

[Lizzie]

Fetish


The colors will not welcome me. -- maybe a modifier before 'colors'?
Again, I am detached
from the blue charms of childhood
and the yellow idols of adulthood.
Red: who loves it? too hot for the pure, -- I'd line break after the question mark. Make the reader think about it for a minute.
too much for the combination. -- for what combination? with pure color? That doesn't make any sense to me because red can be pure too, if we're still talking colors. Red combines with all sorts of colors, even the ones you already mentioned. Leaves this reader confused.
An obscenity -- the sunrise and the sunset
prefer the following hour, the distant memory. -- I love this insight. Yes, when the sun is just on the horizon, it's blinding. Although, it's a recent memory, surely.

The dead welcome me. Through cloud, through
cloud -- I can hear them. Can't you? -- like the question
How did you grow up to lose your toys,
to dye your hair and shed your voice? -- the voice has now changed and it confuses me because, despite the 'you', I still feel like the speaker is talking about themselves.
(If the grown can grow anymore
than fat and numb) All it should take -- I'd line break after fat and numb -- it's a good bit, so set it apart to leverage it.
to reach them is a step or two, a step
or two towards you, my love, my distant memory.

Fetish


The colors will not welcome me.
Again, I am detached
from the blue light of childhood
and the yellow light of manhood.
Red: who loves it? too hot for the pure,
too much for the combination.
An obscenity -- the sunrise and the sunset
prefer the following hour, the distant memory.

The dead welcome me. Through cloud, through
cloud -- I can hear them. Can't you?
How did you grow up to lose your toys,
to dye your hair and shed your voice?
(If the grown can grow anymore
than fat and numb) All it should take
to reach them is a step or two, a step
or two towards you, my love, my distant memory.

I like this one, River. I hope you keep working with it.

Cheers,

Lizzie