First Date (revised)

[CRNDLSM]

I think it would have a stronger punch if the rhymes And rhythms were more consistent every other line has an 8 syllable bounce that sounds playful, followed by an awkward rushed line. Bloke rhymes with broke and smoke almost every three lines, with the exception of safe, not a problem, but I'd like a little more rhyme. It's the mulberry bush, tragic tale sung to children. It reminds me of the Darwin awards, and the shatterproof windows...