02-11-2017, 07:20 PM
hello kyle - a line likeĀ
or was instinct its doubloon, guide of ships
is good. A doubloon was a gold coin, and gold led ships to the new world. So I see the connection. It's an imaginative use of the concept, and an interesting use of an uncommon word.
The poem would improve if you didn't try to rhyme every line and dropped words like 'did' which are there only to fill the metre. Rhyming 'worm' with 'swarmed', for instance, is good enough and more natural in the passage above.
or was instinct its doubloon, guide of ships
is good. A doubloon was a gold coin, and gold led ships to the new world. So I see the connection. It's an imaginative use of the concept, and an interesting use of an uncommon word.
The poem would improve if you didn't try to rhyme every line and dropped words like 'did' which are there only to fill the metre. Rhyming 'worm' with 'swarmed', for instance, is good enough and more natural in the passage above.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe