02-11-2017, 03:04 PM
First off I agree that there are many layers to this poem, and I love that. Big questions and I don't think they're all getting the airtime they deserve.
Yes to everything DQ said.
For sure change the title; it makes me think, 'Ugh, another piece about birds.' Some things have just been written about to death, but this piece is more interesting than that. Which is also why I think you should re-work your first two lines, because the intro (especially line one) feels like I'm starting into a children's book. You need to hook the reader right away.
Anyway, I think you have a nice piece on your hands, and I hope to read a revision!
Lizzie
Yes to everything DQ said.
For sure change the title; it makes me think, 'Ugh, another piece about birds.' Some things have just been written about to death, but this piece is more interesting than that. Which is also why I think you should re-work your first two lines, because the intro (especially line one) feels like I'm starting into a children's book. You need to hook the reader right away.
Anyway, I think you have a nice piece on your hands, and I hope to read a revision!
Lizzie