02-09-2017, 12:43 PM
This is just my suggestion.
Breaking the lines up seems to distract from it.
Also, you seem to be lacking adjectives altogether. Describe those demons and movies and fears.
I'm in my bed, wide awake, fighting demons my body wants but my heart hates.
If I open my eyes they're at my fingertips, ready to destroy me.
If I close my eyes they play a movie of all the things I've done.
I don't want to close my eyes because I'm afraid of what I'll see.
I don't want to open my eyes, but that pain is easier to bear.
So no matter what I do I can't close my eyes.
Breaking the lines up seems to distract from it.
Also, you seem to be lacking adjectives altogether. Describe those demons and movies and fears.
I'm in my bed, wide awake, fighting demons my body wants but my heart hates.
If I open my eyes they're at my fingertips, ready to destroy me.
If I close my eyes they play a movie of all the things I've done.
I don't want to close my eyes because I'm afraid of what I'll see.
I don't want to open my eyes, but that pain is easier to bear.
So no matter what I do I can't close my eyes.