Red, White, and You

[mrweiner]

Hi.

The uneven rhyme scheme and "Hey, Listen Here" along with the tired theming of fascism make this poem read a bit pompous... Who are you trying to reach? Do you think for a second anyone you are trying to reach is going to read past the first stanza? Now, you could shout IGNORANCE if you wish, but for me, a poet writes to convey a message and if your message cannot be delivered, well, what's the point.  Im struggling to find something unique or original here. My personal views are different from yours, so maybe that is biasing my critique, but it just feels like i've read this same poem every time some republican starts a war the liberals don't like.

Not to be ignorant (actually I guess that's the sole goal), but what do you mean by uneven rhyme scheme? The intent was to keep an AAAA/BBBB/etc scheme, although I'm conscious of the fact that many of the rhymes are slant rhymes (and some could probably stand to be thrown into a fire, at that). Are you able to expand on why that in particular lends to the pompousness of the poem? I guess as far as unique/original, I cannot argue with you there. It was inspired by current events, but there's nothing in it that would really even relate it to the particular time which inspired it, so it doesn't even have a shot at a unique timestamp.

As an aside, I was following along with The 14 Characteristics of Fascism and this reddit comment as I was making my way through writing. Not sure if that gives any perspective on anything here or not.

I've never written any politically-focused poetry (maybe I should keep it that way), so I don't entirely know what my aim was here. It's probably more of a preaching-to-the-choir or preaching-to-those-interested-in-joining-the-choir piece than something intended to change, for instance, your mind. I know it's polarizing. That was certainly the point. I've never had any thoughts of my country headed toward fascism prior to the last week and a half, although I now recognize that there's no way for somebody outside of my head to know that.

The fifth stanza is the strongest, the rest of them are very tired. Run-on rhetorical questions in poetry are superfluous... not that i haven't been guilty of making that same mistake.
Good point. I generally try to be conscious of this, but I think I got on a bit of a roll once I started writing this particular poem. Once ya start the engine, sometimes there's no getting off the train.

Thanks for reminding me about this poem!
I guess we can all be a bit pompous sometimes, eh?

Thanks for taking the time to read through. I appreciate it! 

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Fascism? This again?

My feelings when I read this poem. 

I can certainly understand why you'd feel that way, since I'm putting words these words into the mouth of a narrator with whom you share this sentiment.

In all seriousness, this poem is a bit patronising and overreaching. I would perhaps recommend focusing on something less nebulous. 
Why not start smaller, write a poem about flags specifically? Sorry if this seems unhelpful, I just feel this is the wrong approach to take to a political poem.

Should all writing really be written in a non-patronizing tone of voice? Sometimes people and ideas can be patronizing. Shouldn't we, as writers, be able to use that as another tool? 

I could certainly write a poem about flags, but I don't give much of a damn about flags. I'd rather concern myself with the people flying them.

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Quite a rant, , I found it fast-moving and fairly easy to get through to the end on first read. Sorry I don't have time for a full crit but I will tomorrow, I just want to let you know not all readers have the same response as the ones above.

Thanks Ella! Looking forward to reading it. As a sidenote for when you get back, I just had the thought of wrapping the whole piece as a quote. Do you think that would have any effect on how it's read?