01-30-2017, 06:19 AM
Hi Myotis
I think you have some interesting phrases here that offer the reader a spark of something fresh but its seems to fizzle out without actually giving the reader much to hold onto, I don't think the rhyming scheme is helping as it keeps you locked in to the central theme, ie its a plant that can alter our state of mind. S8 L1 was a bit bumpy for me and twas and thee seem oddly out of place for such a topic and the repeat on tree so close could do with a look. You have an obvious talent to keep this rhyming scheme together however I fear on this poem its holding it back. Best Keith
I think you have some interesting phrases here that offer the reader a spark of something fresh but its seems to fizzle out without actually giving the reader much to hold onto, I don't think the rhyming scheme is helping as it keeps you locked in to the central theme, ie its a plant that can alter our state of mind. S8 L1 was a bit bumpy for me and twas and thee seem oddly out of place for such a topic and the repeat on tree so close could do with a look. You have an obvious talent to keep this rhyming scheme together however I fear on this poem its holding it back. Best Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out