Walkabout - Edit

[RiverNotch]

Edit 1:

a little more compression, perhaps

In the pet store, her eyes
matched the puppy’s. the change here gives it an extra punch. nice.

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams, instead of comma, maybe period + and's removal.
and she gave him a cigarette. 

My boots were damp from the previous night’s rain would prefer "the last night's rain"
and a fog hugged the worms on the sidewalk. perhaps remove "a". the two images don't really mesh, so this might be better separated, even distanced -- it's a bit of a strong movement, from boots on the earth to a fog that, sure, hugged the earth, but can only be doing so obscuring sky as well.

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.

i do prefer the November stanza over the new "fog" one. sure, was emptier, but i think to make it that much more detailed distracts, and the atmosphere it provided is necessary -- November implied for me much more than some old song. in fact, considering current events, much more, too, than the end of autumn, or the season of Saints and thanksgiving....a different kind of end, a betrayal of the Saints and thanksgiving. ah, but whatever.

First Draft:
In the pet store, her eyes
were like a puppies
before it’s given a treat.

It was November,
and the ground was wet
from last nights rain.

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams,
and she gave him a cigarette
in lieu of change.

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.