Cities
#3
(01-23-2017, 12:45 AM)j56 Wrote:  Chewing gum stained streets
are the city's freckles -
Our manifest idiosyncrasies.
Like the bright lights
which blemish the dark Earth.
Humanity's beacons
that counter the crawl
of dark uniformity:
In pairs, on motorways
illuminating intention and 
extinguishing the humdrum.

Or maybe it's just litter and light pollution.
First stanza's one long sentence, second stanza is bathetic cop-out. The whole piece reads compressible, especially since from "humanity's beacons" on, the images blur together, without the full-bodied allure of some bold philosophical statement -- best demonstrated, I think, by the unnecessary repetition of "dark". Perhaps:

Chewing gum stained streets:
city freckles, idiosyncrasy
manifest. Bright lights
blemish the dark earth,
beacons countering the crawl
of uniformity.
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Messages In This Thread
Cities - by j56 - 01-23-2017, 12:45 AM
RE: Cities - by Weeded - 01-23-2017, 01:40 AM
RE: Cities - by RiverNotch - 01-23-2017, 02:30 PM
RE: Cities - by Achebe - 01-24-2017, 10:22 AM
RE: Cities - by Scribner1 - 01-29-2017, 04:58 AM
RE: Cities - by fanakz - 02-05-2017, 09:21 AM



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