01-23-2017, 06:49 AM
You can dance, you can jive / having the time of your life. . . . That may help you as an example of that rhyming form you mentioned. The poem seems kind of technical to me. The kind of thing where something's gone too far and its initial spark has long since burned out. But you might be going for that geek-chic cannabis buzz. Like if that guy from the Big Bang Theory was forced to write a poem while under the influence. Or maybe a Coleridge poem written in a dialect and modern understanding alien from Coleridge. The lines seem nothing but conventional. If only you were carried away by a fresher insight, you could start getting around to your rhyme and meter. Rhyme and meter mean little without fresh sounding poetry.