Writer's Taunt

[S.S.J]

Hi Bird,
I don't hate this. Welcome to the forum. 
If I could make one suggestion it would be to read Billy's poetry tips, devices, etc. I've been here for about two months and refer to them everyday!

The subject you're writing about is Cliche and has been done a "million times" before. So the devil really needs to be in the details.
I think Dale and the artist formerly known as LizzieP have already given you some great advice. Don't take it personal.
I believe you can be simple and elegant without being cliche and trite, but its an invisible line.
Unfortunately, most of the words you have chosen in your stanzas fall into the "do not use" category.
With all that being said you've still got some good imagery going on, so thank you for putting this and yourself out there.

Writer's Taunt

If I cut a t-shaped gash into my flesh,     I was hoping "t" was connected with taunt...

And yanked out the heart from my chest, the heart or your heart? This might be an inversion. how about cage?
To show you the still wonder of it;              
Would you turn from me disgusted?           this line works

And as dark blood pumps thickly,                           
Spilling black splashes under shaded moonlight,
Unleashing the horrors that lurk in my very veins;       dark, black, moonlight, very, veins, all weak choices!
Would you gag on the realities that squirm there?      I like squirm there, but what the fuck do I know

In the clotted patterns of my stagnant fluids,
Put on display on the cold gravel,         displayed on cold gravel maybe? its just wordy and trite, sorry
Your feet are cemented to;      
Would you see how the white, pale moon,
Fractures into a galaxy of tiny stars,         here ya go again, white, pale moon, galaxy, stars. No, just no
As it reflects from the rounded beads of spatter?      ok if you must

Do you see beauty love?
Beauty in the dark recesses of incessant alleys,
Where monsters stalk the sick and weary,
And the mysterious low eyes,         
That reflect bawdy neon,
Watching for the same lost,
Who wander here seeking to be found in faded dreams?   bawdy neon, might be the only salvageable words here

Follow me there,
Take my red-gloved hand,    nope
And mind my falling insides,     zzzz.....
Step around the gore in your clean shoes, I actually love this line and appreciate the detail of the shoes being clean
And I will show you a wonder.  Will you? It sounds pretty horrific to me. You've used wonder before but I don't think this brings it home here.

All that being said, I still like it and don't know why, probably because I'm a newb like you. You still managed to pull off some great imagery and immerse me into the scene. So for that I thank you and look forward to watching you grow.
-Jay