Writer's Taunt

[Carrie Birdsong]

Nope, not upset by the gore. What I should have said instead of move past the gore, is move past trying to shock, trying to appall. The invitation is to see the beauty in the blood, in the heart, etc. yes? That's what I was saying is, tell us about the blood. Tell us about the heart. What does it look like? What does it remind you of when it drips, splashes. What do the intestines sound like when jiggled about? Ok, maybe not that, but you obviously know a lot about human anatomy, so tell us about it. SHOW us the beauty. As is, you're asking us to see the beauty and then never showing it. That's how I read it anyway. Everybody will read things differently.

I can certainly understand a reluctance to push your audience too far on an initial meeting, but you're not doing your poem service by holding back or trying to put flowers in its hair and stick it on a unicorn.

That's my take.

Ok I think I get what you mean. It's like doing the foreplay without the orgasm. That makes sense. So, in general, stick with one main metaphor, be more descriptive of the process as opposed to worrying so much about the comparisons and make it less choppy? Thanks so much for the discussion it helps greatly.