01-20-2017, 01:08 AM
You did a fantastic job ending each line on a meaningful word. The title is powerful as well.
I agree that although "five young" connects to "Young Gerald," it is a bit cumbersome.
I would suggest that "by rage and anger, violent abuse" read as "by rage, anger, and violent abuse." In my opinion that reads more fluidly.
I agree that although "five young" connects to "Young Gerald," it is a bit cumbersome.
I would suggest that "by rage and anger, violent abuse" read as "by rage, anger, and violent abuse." In my opinion that reads more fluidly.