01-09-2017, 05:33 AM
Hi Rogo. I quite like what you're doing with your breaks as they're forcing an unusual re-reading on words that might otherwise go unnoticed (basic rule of thumb being, of course, that readers pay most attention to the first and last words on a line). I am ambivalent about the use of "fuse" to begin your poem, but that is because I read it differently depending on whether I take the title as the first line also. I am leaning towards yes for this but I'm not sure that I like the image that I get from "architectures fuse" -- then again, I don't have to like it, just accept that it's working, and it's working. Forgive me, I will ramble and I'm afraid you'll just have to live with that...
Your great advantage lies in choosing words that have meaning shifts to break on (esp. wind). This gives the poem many variations in a short piece, which holds interest. It is clear that these are deliberate and not arbitrary, which of course makes me examine why they were used and this is the bit I like best in poetry (I may be odd in this regard but it's true -- I'm happiest when my brain is working. Sick, right?)
So. I've already mentioned the shift that happens to fuse depending on whether or not I take the title as a line. "Architectures fuse from pyrolysis" indicates to me that there has already been a heat event, perhaps long ago, and the view is from ruins; however, just "fuse from pyro" gives me the idea of acid which then shifts to "lysis..." so decay or degradation from application of acidity, and then I get all metaphysical and think about mean people
Tidal oxygen indicates to me that this is viewed from the shore or the shallows, then we shift to the "red katabasis", so it's the sun going down (red sky at night, sailor's delight, after all...)
Divination of smoke -- a camp on the shore or the fire of a disaster? Either way, we have a nice continuation of the pyro concept while maintaining the divinity of nature. The final lines seem to echo and extrapolate from logos -- "I am" -- but an answer, not the answer or the anything, for that matter. This to me is a poem of possibilities, a crossroads perhaps. There is the past, far from unchanging; there is fire as destroyer or comforter; there is the ocean in a similar capacity as the fire; and there is red. Sunset, blood, oxygenation, passion, death, anger -- but I feel unresolved at the end of the poem, even after several readings. I am not disappointed by this. In fact, I find it difficult to dislike this at all, so I won't even try.
P.S. It doesn't matter to me if my interpretations differ from yours, and I hope it doesn't matter too greatly to you either. I thank you for a poem that gives me options.
Your great advantage lies in choosing words that have meaning shifts to break on (esp. wind). This gives the poem many variations in a short piece, which holds interest. It is clear that these are deliberate and not arbitrary, which of course makes me examine why they were used and this is the bit I like best in poetry (I may be odd in this regard but it's true -- I'm happiest when my brain is working. Sick, right?)
So. I've already mentioned the shift that happens to fuse depending on whether or not I take the title as a line. "Architectures fuse from pyrolysis" indicates to me that there has already been a heat event, perhaps long ago, and the view is from ruins; however, just "fuse from pyro" gives me the idea of acid which then shifts to "lysis..." so decay or degradation from application of acidity, and then I get all metaphysical and think about mean people
Tidal oxygen indicates to me that this is viewed from the shore or the shallows, then we shift to the "red katabasis", so it's the sun going down (red sky at night, sailor's delight, after all...)
Divination of smoke -- a camp on the shore or the fire of a disaster? Either way, we have a nice continuation of the pyro concept while maintaining the divinity of nature. The final lines seem to echo and extrapolate from logos -- "I am" -- but an answer, not the answer or the anything, for that matter. This to me is a poem of possibilities, a crossroads perhaps. There is the past, far from unchanging; there is fire as destroyer or comforter; there is the ocean in a similar capacity as the fire; and there is red. Sunset, blood, oxygenation, passion, death, anger -- but I feel unresolved at the end of the poem, even after several readings. I am not disappointed by this. In fact, I find it difficult to dislike this at all, so I won't even try.
P.S. It doesn't matter to me if my interpretations differ from yours, and I hope it doesn't matter too greatly to you either. I thank you for a poem that gives me options.
(01-02-2017, 12:46 PM)Rogo Wrote: Architectures [Revision]
fuse from pyro
lysis as titled spires
wind in
tidal oxygen I inhale
your son
amid the sea
red katabasis still
drowning out his
name thru a divi
nation of smoke who answers
I am just
an answer
It could be worse