Devolution

[Mark Cecil]

In this day and age I feel the manipulation and breaking of meter is fine- so long as you mean it and it occurs deliberately at times where breaks mirror sentiment/subject. Not sure you have meant to do this, but a thought

Honestly? I really enjoyed the discussion and thoughts raised in the poem, even if they are not exactly original I thought it was well put and thought provoking. Think a few rewrites could keep these questions, observations prevalent- but make it a better read or sonically, lyrically more impressive.

However, apologies for my lack of objectivity, the end of the poem threw me.
Religious poetry has always been popular, but this seems to almost offend the initial questions you ask and points you raise when you end in such an emphatically religious fashion. The open thought and documentation of nearly all of the poem just seems dashed aside by its conclusion. Are you that sure in your religious view you observe with such thought? Yet are incapable of doubt regarding your overarching belief...?
Did Christ reject Heaven for Earth or did he sacrifice himself knowing he'd be going straight back there...
God has devolved power to us on earth, that devolution is the excuse from the pious for our history of conflict and faults (free will) Yet our repetitive revolutionary flaws must be caused by repetitive natural instincts that could only be God given? I shall go on no more... I could

Not sure on the American revolution criticism- don't see why it's any more relevant than any other revolution.
I think your idea that revolutionaries inevitably do not improve on what was before them is pretty well backed up historically in most cases. I'd say minor revolution rather than total revolution provides social enhancement. All arguable though!
The American revolution was effectively an English civil war fought across the ocean, with the French and Dutch in opposition too. Then the subsequent democracy went on to violently take native peoples' land and improvise slavery to a degree totally behind the times. Even when Lincoln abolished it there was continued regression and little integration. French revolution led to imperialism- as with the Soviet Union- where the new regimes quickly basked in riches whilst the poor still suffered.

I digress. Second edit was a big improvement, overall an easy to read and easy to understand poem, perhaps not all that original, and to me a bit confused with its open and quite effective questioning and open mindedness until the Holy conclusion!

RBJ

I think a need to work on the meter of this poem a bit more I didn't give it much thought to be honest.  I'm trying to write the whole poem in iambic pentameter so the third edit might take some time but hopefully will give the whole thing a bit more rhythm.

I'll also work a bit more on my conclusion.  I still want a strong religious conclusion but one that is more persuasive rather than forced.  Also I'll try to say that God's power will one day put an end to the abuse of power even the abuses of those who say they follow him