The Wreckage, my life!

[rollingbrianjones]

Wanted to comment on this as I had a single strong thought in terms of future work/improvement, as I did take understanding from this.

My comment shall be brief as tektak's criticism effectively covered all of my thoughts, so there is not much I can say.
Though if it gives you any encouragement, despite much agreement, I felt this is not quite as bad as is accused.
I'd have given much the same criticism just perhaps not in quite such a disheartening way... I'ma far better critic than I am a writer... but a word for word would lead to me doing the same tearing apart exercise as has already been put down here.

So yeah, my single thought/comment... write about the wreckage that you tell me is your life in a way that on paper portrays a wreckage. Don't obviously overwrite, that doesn't portray wreckage. Trying too hard and coming up with obvious, perhaps well written but unoriginal phrases doesn't give me wreckage either. Neither do the cliches I shall say no more about as the previous comment dissects them quite perfectly.

Hope you are not disheartened as I think tektak was a bit harsh, despite touching a lot of truth- but put the same effort you did into whatever you think this is, into writing something original, into writing something different, raw and disjointed- and you may just see improvement and words that provide more interest and less eye rolls from regular readers of poetry.

RBJ