01-04-2017, 10:28 AM
You found me in the rain,
soaking wet like some cliché.
Once enraptured with your love,
now the fluttery feelings have gone away.
What the hell happened,
my fancy free friend? I feel like this wording doesn't work, especially with the tone of the rest of the poem. I don't think asking "what the hell happened" fits in. Fancy free sounds a little odd to me, like it's forced almost and not something anyone would say.
Is your heart made of stone?
My heart rests in the place we met.
I could love you,
but I will leave you alone
For you,
I hope the waters that fill your cup
are sweet and to its brim.
That sunlight finds you,
and glows warm against your skin.
I hope that you remember when
we stood soaking in the rain,
and you will call me friend.
I really like the rest; I like how it flows and the last few stanzas are really pretty.
soaking wet like some cliché.
Once enraptured with your love,
now the fluttery feelings have gone away.
What the hell happened,
my fancy free friend? I feel like this wording doesn't work, especially with the tone of the rest of the poem. I don't think asking "what the hell happened" fits in. Fancy free sounds a little odd to me, like it's forced almost and not something anyone would say.
Is your heart made of stone?
My heart rests in the place we met.
I could love you,
but I will leave you alone
For you,
I hope the waters that fill your cup
are sweet and to its brim.
That sunlight finds you,
and glows warm against your skin.
I hope that you remember when
we stood soaking in the rain,
and you will call me friend.
I really like the rest; I like how it flows and the last few stanzas are really pretty.