12-30-2016, 10:08 PM
Got it, tectak. Thanks for the clarification. Due to my own background, I defaulted at 'feeling' to a frame formulated around a more familiar binary, something like 'thinking/feeling'. (And for 'seeing', my default would be something like, 'appearance/essence'.) No excuse, as today 'to see is to know', so I should have made the leap. My bad. I do 'feel' it now and your poem makes stronger sense to me.
I certainly knew your poem wasn't Mardi gras merry, but neither did I take it to be melancholy. A little more so now on this score, but I wonder--and I'm just tossing this out there--if it might not be more effective, for feeling's sake, to use the first-person (at least at the outset)?
Thanks again.
Great stuff mahj. Thank you.
This is about feeling rather than seeing...so "blue" is the state of feeling sad....implied and I hope translatable.
As you will see, I sneaked an edit in. You and I had the same thoughts.
It was a long time back, but the piece begins with an "If..." and ends with a denial...a "but".
The rhyme scheme is circular to emphasise the loop...perhaps it hasn't worked. I will look again. I eat all crit.
Thanks again.
best,
tectak
[/quote]
I certainly knew your poem wasn't Mardi gras merry, but neither did I take it to be melancholy. A little more so now on this score, but I wonder--and I'm just tossing this out there--if it might not be more effective, for feeling's sake, to use the first-person (at least at the outset)?
Thanks again.
Great stuff mahj. Thank you.
This is about feeling rather than seeing...so "blue" is the state of feeling sad....implied and I hope translatable.
As you will see, I sneaked an edit in. You and I had the same thoughts.
It was a long time back, but the piece begins with an "If..." and ends with a denial...a "but".
The rhyme scheme is circular to emphasise the loop...perhaps it hasn't worked. I will look again. I eat all crit.
Thanks again.
best,
tectak
[/quote]