12-28-2016, 09:26 AM
The opening stanza is set up as though it were a metaphor, but reading closely we see it is not, or knot. One generally would not expect and oak to be able to grasp thoughts anymore than it could catch them upon the wind on its makeshift dream-catcher or anymore than a reflection can be wise. It is all well and good to anthropomorphize non-human objects, but they must be set up contextually, or else the response becomes yes and so; that is to say they are a bit nonsensical.
"Long before the day is night"
The day can never be night. One can say, before the day turns to night. It would be similar to saying
"long before the sun is moon"
"and memories autumn fog"
One looks for the verb in this. Is it fog, like to fog up? But no. This is more or less a stanza of dependant clauses strung together, a run on sentence that never stops. Ultimately such structures say nothing and go nowhere. I understand what is being attempted, that is to say disclosing the awe of time, for lack of a better way to say it, yet succeed cannot be stamped on it simply because I can conjecture what the writer may have intended but did not write.
While the third stanza follows in the failings in its predecessors, I do really love the rhythmic quality along with the incidental rhyme.
Making sure that one is writing sentences before lineating into poetic form would seem to be the adage most applicable in this instance.
Best,
dale
"Long before the day is night"
The day can never be night. One can say, before the day turns to night. It would be similar to saying
"long before the sun is moon"
"and memories autumn fog"
One looks for the verb in this. Is it fog, like to fog up? But no. This is more or less a stanza of dependant clauses strung together, a run on sentence that never stops. Ultimately such structures say nothing and go nowhere. I understand what is being attempted, that is to say disclosing the awe of time, for lack of a better way to say it, yet succeed cannot be stamped on it simply because I can conjecture what the writer may have intended but did not write.
While the third stanza follows in the failings in its predecessors, I do really love the rhythmic quality along with the incidental rhyme.
Making sure that one is writing sentences before lineating into poetic form would seem to be the adage most applicable in this instance.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.