Solitaire
#4
(12-16-2016, 07:24 AM)Wjames Wrote:  I poisoned the daisies with ashes and butts -- Yaaaaaasssssss. Great line. Thumbsup
while plumbing the annals of Playboys and sluts
I’d been with when I was alone. -- I can infer aloneness from the Playboys. How was the speaker with sluts when alone? Doesn't jibe.


I trampled the corpses and walked back inside -- I like corpses, but maybe make it different than the first line. What other beautiful things were trampled? Restating the previous stanza in a blander manner doesn't work.
to turn on the tv and placate my mind
with voices that were not my own.
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Messages In This Thread
Solitaire - by Wjames - 12-16-2016, 07:24 AM
RE: Solitaire - by Sparkydashforth - 12-16-2016, 09:24 AM
RE: Solitaire - by RiverNotch - 12-16-2016, 01:24 PM
RE: Solitaire - by Lizzie - 12-17-2016, 08:11 AM
RE: Solitaire - by Achebe - 12-17-2016, 08:13 AM
RE: Solitaire - by ryanjr - 01-22-2017, 09:28 AM
RE: Solitaire - by vagabond - 05-09-2017, 08:06 PM



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