soda springs

[billy]

all around
tree twigs
are breaking —

gray sticks split
in copse
and furrow,
random twigs.

boulders
guide us
through this desert...
glide between them,
happy to obey.

once, lip to lip,
i talked beyond
believable —
lands of mound
and dune: red
desert sands.

so many white-splashed
wishes
cross the river boulders —
twigs and stickers
wedge between
the granite breaks,
accumulate
into each rock,
his
red-root [dik].

8.12.03



.

so it's about sex then.
It's what i see in the poem anyway .

i like some of the imagery, and it's original, to me at least.
the metaphors work well and it isn't a sloppy fuck fest poem with the usual cuddly stuff which is okay when done well. works on more than one level which is good for any poem. where the reader may not see the real story non-the-less there's a story to for them to see.

if tree twigs are breaking refers to young people or virgins i'd have plumped for a sapling in there somewhere.

the 2n stanza feels too ambiguous. could it be a little be less-so.

no worries if i got the content wrong. it's what i saw and maybe what i thought was there isn't. anyway. apart from Lines 3-6 pulling me away from the body of the poem i think it works really well.

jmo. thanks for the read. is [dik] needed