12-10-2016, 02:07 PM
Hi,
It's been a very long time since I have posted a poem, and would like to hear some honest feedback. I know the structure of my poem is not right (e.g. Stanzas, capitalization, proper sentences, etc.)
Lenses [Edit 1]
In all of time, both past and now, a billion beings have roamed.
But whether it is night or day, I have always walked alone.
I was made from a darker clay,
And spy through a lens that is dim and grey.
It matters not if it is dark or light; my heart is left forlorn.
There are those with a lens so bright,
And despite of it being dark or light,
no earthly plight can bring the shade of night;
They will never walk alone.
There are those with a lens so sheer,
And they see through eyes so wise and clear;
They always know when it is right to sometimes walk alone.
Lenses [Original]
In all of time both past and now a billion beings have roamed,
And whether it is night or day I have always walked alone.
For I was made from a darker clay,
And spy through a lens so dim and gray,
And it matters not if it is dark or light my heart is left forlorn.
For there are those with a lens so bright,
And despite of it being dark or light,
And no earthly plight brings the shade of night,
They will never walk alone.
Then there are those with a lens so sheer,
And see through eyes so wise and clear,
They always know when it is right to sometimes walk alone.
It's been a very long time since I have posted a poem, and would like to hear some honest feedback. I know the structure of my poem is not right (e.g. Stanzas, capitalization, proper sentences, etc.)
Lenses [Edit 1]
In all of time, both past and now, a billion beings have roamed.
But whether it is night or day, I have always walked alone.
I was made from a darker clay,
And spy through a lens that is dim and grey.
It matters not if it is dark or light; my heart is left forlorn.
There are those with a lens so bright,
And despite of it being dark or light,
no earthly plight can bring the shade of night;
They will never walk alone.
There are those with a lens so sheer,
And they see through eyes so wise and clear;
They always know when it is right to sometimes walk alone.
Lenses [Original]
In all of time both past and now a billion beings have roamed,
And whether it is night or day I have always walked alone.
For I was made from a darker clay,
And spy through a lens so dim and gray,
And it matters not if it is dark or light my heart is left forlorn.
For there are those with a lens so bright,
And despite of it being dark or light,
And no earthly plight brings the shade of night,
They will never walk alone.
Then there are those with a lens so sheer,
And see through eyes so wise and clear,
They always know when it is right to sometimes walk alone.