I Wonder

[Mark Cecil]

Overall I very interesting piece you got here with some powerful images

This is my first time accepting critique on my poems so I'm going to put this in the novice section...lol...I hope it's okay...
thank you



I Wonder

we
siege the forest.  This sounds very aggressive but maybe that's the point.  I thought maybe putting "besiege" might be more accurate than siege but maybe that's me

as dawn approaches
waterfalls  This confused me - do you mean water falls as in its raining or the dawn approaches as/like waterfalls
and I
sit alone
inside
the empty
stall–

my fingers
trail
like lead
and quake
like thunder
and us,
I wonder.  This is my my favourite part of the poem - good imagery

inhaling the black
that slips from our mouths
and we suck it back.  This is a great but I wondering if you could make the intent more clearer.  This is an important part of the poem as you repeat it twice but what does it mean - does it just mean breathing and how does it relate to the title:  I wonder.  Could it be your wondering about life itself as your focusing on breathing

the nightingale
that sleeps
as we
split the
upper seams
of our shirts
as breathing hurts
and us,
still I wonder– I love this stanza

why I'm yearning the black
that slips from our mouths
and we suck it back.  I think its actually Okay repeating this part twice in the poem