Latino Spin

[Sparkydashforth]

Thanks for taking a look at this Mark, and for the mainly positive remarks.

Regarding the final lines, my intent was to end with gentle observation, but I'm willing to concede
that it might be too abrupt.

Cheers!

There is a lot of strong vivid imagery in this piece that really helps to picture this normal everyday scene

Buttocks push; breasts boast
through non-existent crowds. Great image here
A choreographed squall
above the whir and clunk
of loaded appliances.

Hispanic girls acting out
in a Laundromat.
Hips gesture, hands stab
and tussle with unwashed issues.

I’m distracted by the overheated hum,
can’t read the print
of my paperback. Words run
naked over yellow pages, Really highlights the distraction your feeling of not being able to read
sweat and lay down
under a fierce fluorescence.

Skimpy shorts and gang-inks.
The porous sound of feral hormones  I like the use of "feral hormones"
seethes over some slight,
branded onto a Facebook page.

They flop onto the slatted bench I like how you use "flop" here
produce a smart phone,
scroll through pictures,
moue and glower softening Good use of the word "Moue" here
as baby shots are thumbed.
Melting smiles, then

they hold up the cell for me to see.
When they get up
the backs of their thighs
are marked by the wooden seat.  Not to sure about the ending.  I know it is because they sat down on the slatted bench at the start of the previous stanza but the poem appears to come to an abrupt end but maybe that is just me.  Maybe you could split the last stanza in two the first one showing what you see on their cell and the last describing how they leave