Unraveling

[HaleINthewind]

Edit I: 

A simple word shatters:
a thousand lost connections, 
the tightly twisted knots untangle. I am not good at punctuation truly but something seems off here.
 
The mumbled mice of mind  Good alliteration here. It sounds very nice. I do wonder about the use of mumbled when they are also in brash commotion. Seems a bit contradictory maybe?
Skitter scamper squeak in brash commotion  Punctuation missed this stanza?
Drowning out sound notions 
 
Three six five, just letters:
The meaning as fallible as the mind
That promised to hold on to it.

 ----
A simple word shatters at the thought
of a million of lost connections
A million tightly twisted knots unravel
 
The unintelligible mice of mind
Skitter scamper squeak
in overpowering commotion,
Drowning out your own name
 
Waiting for the day when numbers
order the way they're ordered to
Three six five, just letters,
The meaning as fragile
As the fallibility of the mind
That promised to hold on to it

Hello, I read your edit first. Just with the few changes you added. Mainly removing the excess and repeats and pairing down really helped with the clarity and over all effect of your piece in my opinion.  You still have capitalization issues in you piece.  It is no longer proper to capitalize every line. There is a reason it was done and is no longer necessary. Others on this site could tell you why. If you want to keep the capital at every line  then cap s1 line 2 and 3.

I am not sure about the s1 punctuation and the mumbled. It may just be me .

Get some consistency in punctuation and caps and thats all Ive got.

Other wise I enjoyed this read. Especially the  last 2 stanzas