11-23-2016, 03:52 PM
Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, the Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, The Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, The Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, The Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, the Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
(11-23-2016, 02:46 PM)Alic Elliot Wrote: Hmm..
After reviewing the critique tips, I'm going to revise my own critique.
I still believe that stanzas 3-5 can be changed. Maybe not scratched entirely, but three long-ish stanzas about lunch at Wendy's is just not that intetesting. Furthermore, I can't tell if this is detachment or Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Sometimes it seems one way, other times the other. Is it supposed to be a grey-ish line? Lastly, it does tell an interesting story, but there are weird little details. 'Pack of peccadilloes' - would a bunch of small issues cause a woman to scream?
Best, Alic
Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, The Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
(11-23-2016, 02:46 PM)Alic Elliot Wrote: Hmm..
After reviewing the critique tips, I'm going to revise my own critique.
I still believe that stanzas 3-5 can be changed. Maybe not scratched entirely, but three long-ish stanzas about lunch at Wendy's is just not that intetesting. Furthermore, I can't tell if this is detachment or Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Sometimes it seems one way, other times the other. Is it supposed to be a grey-ish line? Lastly, it does tell an interesting story, but there are weird little details. 'Pack of peccadilloes' - would a bunch of small issues cause a woman to scream?
Best, Alic
Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, The Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
(11-23-2016, 02:46 PM)Alic Elliot Wrote: Hmm..
After reviewing the critique tips, I'm going to revise my own critique.
I still believe that stanzas 3-5 can be changed. Maybe not scratched entirely, but three long-ish stanzas about lunch at Wendy's is just not that intetesting. Furthermore, I can't tell if this is detachment or Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Sometimes it seems one way, other times the other. Is it supposed to be a grey-ish line? Lastly, it does tell an interesting story, but there are weird little details. 'Pack of peccadilloes' - would a bunch of small issues cause a woman to scream?
Best, Alic
Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, The Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
(11-23-2016, 02:46 PM)Alic Elliot Wrote: Hmm..
After reviewing the critique tips, I'm going to revise my own critique.
I still believe that stanzas 3-5 can be changed. Maybe not scratched entirely, but three long-ish stanzas about lunch at Wendy's is just not that intetesting. Furthermore, I can't tell if this is detachment or Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Sometimes it seems one way, other times the other. Is it supposed to be a grey-ish line? Lastly, it does tell an interesting story, but there are weird little details. 'Pack of peccadilloes' - would a bunch of small issues cause a woman to scream?
Best, Alic
(11-23-2016, 03:52 PM)Sparkydashforth Wrote: Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, The Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
(11-23-2016, 02:46 PM)Alic Elliot Wrote: Hmm..
After reviewing the critique tips, I'm going to revise my own critique.
I still believe that stanzas 3-5 can be changed. Maybe not scratched entirely, but three long-ish stanzas about lunch at Wendy's is just not that intetesting. Furthermore, I can't tell if this is detachment or Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Sometimes it seems one way, other times the other. Is it supposed to be a grey-ish line? Lastly, it does tell an interesting story, but there are weird little details. 'Pack of peccadilloes' - would a bunch of small issues cause a woman to scream?
Best, Alic
Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, The Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
(11-23-2016, 02:46 PM)Alic Elliot Wrote: Hmm..
After reviewing the critique tips, I'm going to revise my own critique.
I still believe that stanzas 3-5 can be changed. Maybe not scratched entirely, but three long-ish stanzas about lunch at Wendy's is just not that intetesting. Furthermore, I can't tell if this is detachment or Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Sometimes it seems one way, other times the other. Is it supposed to be a grey-ish line? Lastly, it does tell an interesting story, but there are weird little details. 'Pack of peccadilloes' - would a bunch of small issues cause a woman to scream?
Best, Alic
Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, The Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
(11-23-2016, 02:46 PM)Alic Elliot Wrote: Hmm..
After reviewing the critique tips, I'm going to revise my own critique.
I still believe that stanzas 3-5 can be changed. Maybe not scratched entirely, but three long-ish stanzas about lunch at Wendy's is just not that intetesting. Furthermore, I can't tell if this is detachment or Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Sometimes it seems one way, other times the other. Is it supposed to be a grey-ish line? Lastly, it does tell an interesting story, but there are weird little details. 'Pack of peccadilloes' - would a bunch of small issues cause a woman to scream?
Best, Alic
Hi Alic,
you opinions are valid no matter what.
I like to be challenged. For me, The Wendy's stuff is central to the write.
I deliberately left conclusions on the shelf. Why would I need to reach a nice logical conclusion?
I'm in a strange place here....I don't want to be defending a flawed write.
Peccadilloes and traits take on an almost animalistic form of their own - at least I hope they do,
and so I gave them legs. I was imaging our personal foibles as a reality apart from our selves.
Would our personal nose picking, butt scratching behaviors make a woman patron scream
if they got loose in a Wendy's? Maybe, if they invaded as a mob of our totality.
I wanted to show the baggage of being. I wanted to show that maybe if an alien race
did try to replicate us, they might find our unpredictable human natures a little too primitive
to compute. The poem ( I can proudly call it a poem now), wants to illustrate the high points of our
civilization, like when we invented in-door plumbing, the porcelain crapper,
and the grilled cheese sandwich.
The fact that we have these high water marks in our mostly low water achievements
makes us an anomaly, we are high achieving because we like to spend most
of our time in trivial and carnal pursuits -- aliens could never agree, I think.
Anyway it's all speculation and fantasy, until it all comes together.
I doubt if the write encompassed much of this.
The reader might find something to chew over in the odd line or two.
For good or worse, it's a point of view on a lesser trod road.
“sláinte!
(11-23-2016, 02:46 PM)Alic Elliot Wrote: Hmm..
After reviewing the critique tips, I'm going to revise my own critique.
I still believe that stanzas 3-5 can be changed. Maybe not scratched entirely, but three long-ish stanzas about lunch at Wendy's is just not that intetesting. Furthermore, I can't tell if this is detachment or Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Sometimes it seems one way, other times the other. Is it supposed to be a grey-ish line? Lastly, it does tell an interesting story, but there are weird little details. 'Pack of peccadilloes' - would a bunch of small issues cause a woman to scream?
Best, Alic