Up Mountains

[RiverNotch]

It seems like part 1 is a legend of how a mountain was made.  part 2 is generations later an event in the mountains life that illustrates it's developed character.  part 3 is the mountains metaphorical need to reproduce, and part 4 is its destruction through progressively more invasive habitation.
Thanks for the crit! The myths happened to tie together like that, yeah -- then I tied it a bit more with both my personal history and the general history of the nation. But yeah, it's not one mountain, but four; one of the ideas I had for title was "Mountain-Woman Songs", since each woman is a Diwata -- a fairy, basically -- of some Filipino mountain. 

On the second part, it's interesting you note that -- my intention with that part, which I realize now is kinda failed, was to present a foggy version of a rather disturbing variation on the Maria Cacao myth, developed after said storm. But "illustrating its developed character"....ever since being introduced to Louise Gluck, I've been obsessed with examining the old myth two very distant ways, one where Persephone and such were simple, soulless archetypes, and one where at least she was her own woman, so that ultimately I'm not sure if the failure happened upon something even better.

Up Mountains


1. Daragang Magayon: Prologue did you change it to Maria's to show the incoming cultural influences?  I thought a Prologue should be shorter than the rest of the work, and even though the line count is the same, there are about half as many words as the last part. It's interesting that daraga -- a wholly native word, meaning young lady -- was eventually replaced by Maria, a Spanish introduction. Not really intentional: the lady of Mount Mayon, Daragang Magayon, really is named like that, against most other counts.

followed. Ulap the almost simple language makes it seem more like a legend Well, it is. Ps, Ulap means cloud, Magayon is the name of the mountain (as noted earlier, it's said to have been corrupted to Mayon), Linog (I think -- it's all Cebuano, which, though a Filipino language, is not my language) is earthquake, and Pagtuga eruption. 
 
obscured by white cloud.I wanted to see a little more definite pattern to the color white It is a pattern -- just not sure what you mean by "definite".

2. Maria Cacao: After Typhoon Sendong

of muddy water -- white s4, s1, s3, s3 also s2 of the next section.
elder love invades.

rings out: come, and the colon pattern, put one in the first part somewhere maybe? It is the prologue (and I think I'd have to restructure that whole section for such a colon, which isn't much of a reward).

Her mountain, shape
of heaven -- what a burden.I like bringing up burden for the last part, but this burden didn't need the repetition, what a burden seems too sarcastic for this stanza. I see. It's meant to be a mix of feelings including sarcasm, but now I'm thinking the fog I slathered on a bit too thick, so yeah, gonna have to mull.

3. Maria Makiling: Ecological Study in Los Banos

4. Maria Sinukuan: The White Man's Burden

your precious precious sex -- the lying Jew don't think it needs the double precious Not a typo, a twitch -- but yeah, agreed. Removed.

not with a torch I really like the closing line, this inversion makes me think that the torch would be assumed, but I didn't assume it. I'll need to restructure it just a tad bit, then, but that's a slightly bigger alteration whose reward can wait for other comments. Again, thanks!