11-22-2016, 12:02 PM
can't decide if your love's become poison or soma
it's typical tobacco teamed with cold coffee.................................I like it
crutches on which we navigate our particle of the cosmos.........................Maybe redo "particle of the cosmos". That does sound cool so it's understandable
warm light beaming through the shutters that you'd want to keep it but maybe something shorter like "navigate our parts"
it's morning and we've sinned again
[/quote]
Maybe change "which" to "while".
Overall, good!
it's typical tobacco teamed with cold coffee.................................I like it
crutches on which we navigate our particle of the cosmos.........................Maybe redo "particle of the cosmos". That does sound cool so it's understandable
warm light beaming through the shutters that you'd want to keep it but maybe something shorter like "navigate our parts"
it's morning and we've sinned again
[/quote]
Maybe change "which" to "while".
Overall, good!