At The Summit / After Scars

[Sparkydashforth]

Hi Coquette,

the poem has a nice rhythm to it, and some sublime moments.

Not sure which title to use....
Feedback's appreciated! This is my first post (of many!)
Thanks!



At The Summit


After scars-- the upward hike of sweat, tears, scrapes, cuts and bruises…
Broken.................I feel the struggle in these lines, the effort breaks us in different ways.

At the summit
I breathe in the unrelenting clefts and the protruding edges........yes, the long moments between the climb
and the real climb which is inward need at different kind of breathing.
The battered and wounded landscape…...............be careful not to overdo the drama here. I would cut 'wounded'
Broken.........................like the repetition of 'broken'

At the summit
I listen to the calm landscape and perpetual skies
And touch the vibrant flower in my breast.....................I'm not sure about this stanza...I don't think it says enough
or is insightful enough....I think I know what you are implying, but it needs to be clearer.

At the summit
I am broken and I am scarred
peacefully...................................Nice....I feel the 'peace' here.