Lagopus Edit 1 Everyone

[tectak]

I like it. concise. simple. not digging deeper than it should. 

Lagopus

Lagopus lagopus scotica, not sure what the point of latin is but i don't guess just saying 'red grouse' would make much of a difference
chuckles at shortening days. good play on the season and lethal gun shot
Winter is coming but so are the guns… yeah unless there's some contrast for 'winter,' 'guns' does work as connected by 'but' winter and guns both mean hibernation/potential death, so 'and' is better
Blat blat blat, through  heather-hushed heath, perhaps italics for the onomatopoeia ..good geography-specific language choices for sound
echoing down in the valley beneath, not a fan of doubling prepositions: 'down in' 
filling the wind with knots in air. my favorite line
Sky-line beaters  black on grey,
bent to the rain, halooing away, away? but they don't get away, right?
Lagopus lagopus scotica, maybe the latin makes sense if we're talking endangered species. it's a protected bird from what google says, but hunting's permitted so....not sure that reading works 
this will be your last day. yeah i'm for present tense or achebe's suggestion. future tense doesn't work for me. even past tense is better, on the finality of death. 

tectak
2016

Hi Kol,
Thanks for your words. Yep...just an observational piece which I felt was worth jotting down. The lagopus lagopus scotia was just for rhythm...a-tichoo...a-tichoo...they all fall down nursery rhyme remembrances. I will not take issue with any of the comments on the duplication inherent in "...echoing down in the valley beneath.." suffice to say that I may have cocked up the punctuation. Maybe..."echoing down, in the valley beneath.. ".
I THINK I meant to imply that "down" was "along" as in the infantile vernacular "..knocking on doors down our street..."
You are very correct on the "but" word though again, I excuse myself without absolution, on the grounds that you may die in winter BUT better that the guns get you first. An old argument for killing wild-life.
A tidy up will come. After all, this IS a workshopping forum
Best,
tectak

---

Lagopus

Lagopus lagopus scotica,
chuckles at shortening days.    ....the 'at' issue's already been mentioned. I'd prefer 'through', though you have 'through'on L4. But I like the irony of its chuckling. It really should be a collective noun - 'a chuckling of grice' would be perfect.
Winter is coming but so are the guns… ...why 'but'? I don't see a contradiction in the first place to justify this particular conjunction. Perhaps 'and'?
Blat blat blat, through  heather-hushed heath, ...like the 3xblats, indifferent to the alliteration. But I like 'heather hushed' as yes, the heather should hush your boot shod footsteps.
echoing down in the valley beneath, ...the 'beneath' is implied from the 'down', so it looks like you've just gone for the rhyme. Perhaps no rhyme + 'valley floor'?
filling the wind with knots in air. ...I can see, but not clearly enough, the exploding feathers, if that's what's intended. I think 'filling' is too passive a word. Also, the 'air' would be implied from the 'wind'? Perhaps you're not talking about the feathers at all, though, in which case...what are you talking about?
Sky-line beaters  black on grey,
bent to the rain, halooing away, ...nice. I can see 'em.
Lagopus lagopus scotica,
this will be your last day. ...cliched, and not a particularly striking summary anyway. How about 'it's the 10th of September today'? Or whenever the season opens.

tectak
2016

Why do they call it a 'hunt' anyway? It's not a hunt unless there's an element of danger. I'd like to see the Amur tiger introduced in the Isles.

Knots in the air....the compression wave of a gunshot that is complicated by the terrain...multiple echoes and reflections make the sound like a knot in the air. Aw...the hell...I'm not a REAL poet you know