No thing there-edit #1

[Sparkydashforth]

Enjoyed this JM


quote='just mercedes' pid='216465' dateline='1473729562']
Make sure you visit ..............a rather travelogue-like  opening. Intentional? Does not work for me.
the Hall of a Thousand Pillars
in Chidambaram. Ask the monks
to take you to Shiva’s shrine..............leads this reader on to want to see more.
 
The curtain opens daily to show
empty space filled by an entity
without volume. It flows..................Maybe, but maybe a visitor might see and feel nothing special, you sem to assume a spiritual experience for everyone, when the opposite is probably more factual.

 as waves in a timeless dream;
unceasing, pure Akasa......................very deep, but again - supposition.

You know it already, as aether,
quintessence, Solomon’s Seal.
This is the time and place between,
where Shiva dances. Emptiness
is not the same as nothing. ..........Like last lines, makes me think of the phrase:
aloneness is not the same as alone, nor loneliness the same as being Alone.




I do like the poem, but it's speculative, and rather sure of itself.
Maybe a bit of personal doubt in the mix might make it more humanizing.





Thank you for reading and commenting. Akasa is the very opposite of humanizing. 

I suppose poetry must now conform with the rule of ignorance.

 
 
 

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Just a thought JM

if you were to put yourself into the poem, and illustrate your own experiences
the work would be more convincing.

Just trying to help here.

Enjoyed this JM


quote='just mercedes' pid='216465' dateline='1473729562']
Make sure you visit ..............a rather travelogue-like  opening. Intentional? Does not work for me.
the Hall of a Thousand Pillars
in Chidambaram. Ask the monks
to take you to Shiva’s shrine..............leads this reader on to want to see more.
 
The curtain opens daily to show
empty space filled by an entity
without volume. It flows..................Maybe, but maybe a visitor might see and feel nothing special, you sem to assume a spiritual experience for everyone, when the opposite is probably more factual.

 as waves in a timeless dream;
unceasing, pure Akasa......................very deep, but again - supposition.

You know it already, as aether,
quintessence, Solomon’s Seal.
This is the time and place between,
where Shiva dances. Emptiness
is not the same as nothing. ..........Like last lines, makes me think of the phrase:
aloneness is not the same as alone, nor loneliness the same as being Alone.




I do like the poem, but it's speculative, and rather sure of itself.
Maybe a bit of personal doubt in the mix might make it more humanizing.





Thank you for reading and commenting. Akasa is the very opposite of humanizing. 

I suppose poetry must now conform with the rule of ignorance.

 
 
 

[/quote]