At The Summit / After Scars

[Bueller]

Hi Coquette16. I think you have a good concept here. The ascent of the mountain can be easily generalized into other areas of life, which means that more people will find it personally engaging. I would probably call it "Summit." I don't think 'scars' works, because the scars would be what remained long after the cuts from the climb, and the immediate aftermath of the climb is what's being described here, so I would stick with bloodier images, as grotesque as that may sound. I like the mingling of the mangled-body imagery with the tranquil setting. 

Not sure which title to use....
Feedback's appreciated! This is my first post (of many!)
Thanks!



At The Summit


After scars-- the upward hike of sweat, tears, scrapes, cuts and bruises… (this sounds too much like "blood, sweat, and tears" to seem original)
Broken. (but the speaker isn't broken, they are victorious in their climb -- you're looking for something more like 'battered' although "battered and bruised" is also a cliche)

At the summit
I breathe in the unrelenting clefts and the protruding edges. (maybe 'I breathe in the memory of the unrelenting clefts, to keep the timeline straight)
The battered and wounded landscape… ('landscape' isn't pulling it's weight -- name the elements of the landscape specifically)
Broken.

At the summit
I listen to the calm landscape and perpetual skies (repetition of 'landscape' is not serving you, and you have the same problem here as when you used it above. I like the idea of the limitless sky, although I'm not sold on perpetual, but it's not bad)
And touch the vibrant flower in my breast. (? No idea what this means. Makes it sound like you picked a flower on the way up)

At the summit
I am broken and I am scarred
peacefully. (peacefully is not the right word. How can someone be broken peacefully? Maybe broken but at peace? But, I agree with others that this repetition of previous statements only serves to weaken the poem. I do like the idea of being at rest, yet I got that feeling from the deep breaths and the serene landscape imagery, so I'm not sure that you have to spell it out so explicitly)

If you use a title that includes 'summit,' I don't believe that you need to mention that word in the body of the poem at all, it's clear that the speaker has reached the top.

Hope this helps.

Cheers!