11-16-2016, 11:19 AM
This isn't feedback just yet sparky, but a placeholder and a "don't lose heart I've read it" comment -- I promise I will return but I want to read this a few more times to fully appreciate it.
First impressions though -- I genuinely love this. The sensory experience is strong, particularly with the evocation of scents. You have a couple of typos that a quick proofread will soon sort out for you so I'll let you do that on your own. Also, is "manta" the word you want to use? Feels like it should be "mantle" or maybe, at a stretch, "mantra" for something less tangible.
More soon, when I'm not fitting comments in at work -- just wanted to let you know it wasn't being ignored.
First impressions though -- I genuinely love this. The sensory experience is strong, particularly with the evocation of scents. You have a couple of typos that a quick proofread will soon sort out for you so I'll let you do that on your own. Also, is "manta" the word you want to use? Feels like it should be "mantle" or maybe, at a stretch, "mantra" for something less tangible.
More soon, when I'm not fitting comments in at work -- just wanted to let you know it wasn't being ignored.
It could be worse