CREATING A POEM

[Sparkydashforth]

“In air swollen
with tan shreds
and sapphire spheres
bobbing and circling 
white waves
ringed in red,
Pompeii’s Princess
Penelope finds
the fisher’s shack.
 
“Wet, cold, afraid,
she stumbles in,
coughing.
Seeing her friend,
Penelope gasps,
‘Verily, Vesuvius
hath killed me.’
‘Fear not. I shall
breathe new life
into you,’ said--”

Meow!

A bit of cereal,
two blueberries,
five laps of milk left
in my red bowl.
Down it goes.
“That should perk you up.”
 
Penelope can wait.
Kitty comes first.

Hi,

I would like to take a different POV on this work. Yes, the title seems odd, yet I rather like stanza one, it reads
well to me. Some reservations as to word choices i.e. Tan, but it in general, works for me.
However, I would cut S2 in its entirety, including the 'meow'.
Last lines work for me, but I would again cut 'A bit of cereal', and add something more cat/fishy,
like a nice fat mackerel.

Needs work, but you have something worth working on here.