11-15-2016, 11:53 AM
I like it, it's good, you've got a good subject, good words, good rhythm. Keep it up!
I would put a first person pronoun or something into the first paragraph. That "I" really jumped out at me because the reader didn't think it was first person until over halfway through the poem. OR you could omit the first person altogether? Maybe?
Overall I think you've got a good start!!
I would put a first person pronoun or something into the first paragraph. That "I" really jumped out at me because the reader didn't think it was first person until over halfway through the poem. OR you could omit the first person altogether? Maybe?
Overall I think you've got a good start!!
(09-13-2016, 05:09 AM)DJesters Wrote: Those luscious, golden locks on high
Like water drops fall from the sky
And dare to snare a prideful beast,
For such tendrils is no feat.
Sweet to touch and soft to feel;
One has never felt so real
But suddenly they sway away,
A river's peace I still remain.
Until the surface, struck by rock,
Sends ripples down upon my heart
Will these vines let loose of me,
And leave my soul to wander free.