The L Word

[zorcas]

Wine and a fire's crackling warmth. (Why so many fragments??)
Carnivorous desires cloaked (Cloaked? That word makes the image hard for me to reconcile. Not the worst choice, but I feel you can find a better word with a bit more thought)
in anxious whispers.
Familiar fluid moves.(These fragments turn this into a laundry list of sorts.)

The asynchrony of two explosions. (This fragment might be the worst of all. "Two asynchronous explosions" would be far better, as it directs attention to actual things, not an abstract quality about those things.)
A duet of gasps softening to ragged breaths.
A repeat of expected rapture,

but not expecting his arms
would keep holding her closely. (Whose head are we in here? His or hers?)
He wanted this to never end. (ah, the cliches come in. everything here and beyond isn't too noteworthy.)
A new feeling

prompted him to say, 
while holding her contently,

words he’d never said before.

Late critique, didn't have the time to finish when I first started. Anyway...

It seems my critique is very similar to lizziep's...

It's a brief scene, but perhaps uses too many words to convey it. It felt cliche to a point of disgust, in my opinion. As Lizziep pointed out, the fragments are extremely destructive to this piece. It seems to me like you can't decide on how to write this poem. Sonics are present, but lacking. In most situations, they don't seem to add much to the piece, save for the rapture line.

Some really definitive critiques, especially when echoed by others, lead to the conclusion that this effort would be most happy buried, so consider it done. Thanks for recognizing you're doctors, not medical examiners!