Babal

[Todd]

Hi River, this is a dense poem. When I come to something like this my first impulse is to interpret before I attempt to suggest much in the way of alterations. It is interesting enough to make the attempt. Here goes.

Soulmate

for Kim--So with the current title and this dedication I first think that the speaker is describing their soulmate possibly this Kim. That said, when I consider the previous title babel and the opening in Babylon I'm drawn to the Tower of Babel and the idea that there is a loss of ability to communicate and connect. Now nothing will be impossible for them changes to now everything will be impossible for them. So perhaps the poem will leave me with confusion rather than clarity or perhaps it is the soulmates themselves that struggle with confusion and have barriers between them.

1 - Mother Earth--Mother Earth might imply a common universal basis for existence. A state when all was at peace. Then we move through a litany of conquest.
-- Babalon stole her architects
from Egypt, her engineers from Greece, her doctors
and priests from Israel: that is why our tongues--Babylon is presented as the one accumulating these disciplines and cultures to itself and I can accept that as a conceit for drawing back to Babel. Not that it matters much but it's slightly misleading historically--Babylon/Egypt check. Babylon/Israel I think was next. Babylon/Greece was technically Greece conquering Persia (Cyrus I think though it might have been the Medes at that point) with Alexander. If anything Greece appropriated all of this. My history may be off. It doesn't detract though. It just makes me wonder if your choices need it to tie back to Babel or if you are trying to do more with the arrangment.
are tied with Şibboleths. Truly, meat--I'm not sure why you used the other language S, but it's subtle and sort of interesting. I've never seen Shibboleth without an h. Is that a regional spelling? I love the use of meat and how you tie it in to the three philosophers below...The first two we deal with the idea or the one and than the less idealized world we live in. The last one as a gnostic I'm guessing vilified the flesh and body as evil (I'm not as familiar with him specifically but I do recognize the name as an early christian/gnostic).

is the sweetest sin, and Plato,
Plotinus, Valentinus, lied to us. They promised us
angels for wives, mortal gods for husbands, yet all we got--Interesting use of their philosophies. Promised the untouchable ideal and receiving much less.
were grave old men, anxious Jocastas.--This is a great word to break on and start the next line with my mother. Love that (well not too much shouldn't get Oedipal about it).

2 - Grave Old Men
-- my mother
and my father plagued me
as they raised me. Or rather blessed,
the fact that the knowledge of old age--This needs to be smoothed out a bit. It feels awkwardly phrased.

could coexist with the understanding of childhood
confused me, in my youth. Yet have I grown--same with this phrasing first strophe line to youth.
enough to soothe my student's calluses
with balm, to shave this hircine curse--hircine gives a nice visual.

into a Spanish beard? Galleons sail
on pacific currents concretized
across Katipunan avenue--Again more conquest implied by the beard. Likely more appropriation.
to and fro two colonies, my country and your Mexico.--a personal shift for the speaker 

3 - Mexico
-- what a Şibboleth! Our old school's shattered stones--nice sibilance forshadowing the snake-like trumpet vines, the fall of man, and also maybe explaining why you dropped the h to maintain the sonics.
are now the home to snake-like trumpet vines, just as your English
is no longer the same as mine, and your Bible grows --beautiful line, and I like the idea of the same language being different. Maybe a reason to embrace the original title.
overshorn, incomplete. Truly, meat--overshorn, incomplete. A canon too compressed. Nice progression

is the sweetest sin, so that when Lucifer--Like the parallel return to this line. You may not need the that.
confused his craving for a love, he was cast down--might be stronger without the "a"
to diabetic hell, his eye blinded,--diabetic hell is a nice play on the sweetness above. I sort of get an Odin blinded for wisdom read in this.
his leg severed, yet by the Jewish doctor's hand--not sure about the leg being severed. I'm missing the reference diabetes could bring a removal of the foot. I'm also not sure who the Jewish doctor is. It does tie into S1 but it seems like you have someone in mind. Luke was a gentile even though he writes about the fall of Lucifer so I'm not sure who you have in mind.

his consoling treats tied shut. Ozy and Millie--treats lost me.
were far from old when they raised me,
Dana their "God-hated" maker no man
but child: Plato did speak truth--I wouldn't have followed this without the footnote. It would have simply been something that felt personal to the speaker and a bit inacessible. I'm not a fan of footnotes doing what poems cannot.

when he said woman is a child. And yet,
accursed flesh, am I a woman who here stands,
as she with the ruddy hair is man
and you with the mortal light is genderless?--so the babel has now turned toward gender ambiguity and questioning.

4 - Hermaphrodite
-- what a devilish love! It was no storm
but flesh-dissolving bile that broke
the Thoor of Babel, spread 
like pâté men across the earth.--and honestly I labored over the last part but it lost me.

That's my first pass at this. I don't know how much anything I said can be of use but hopefully it can.

Best,

Todd