Bun fight at the OK tea rooms

[Keith]

Twas gone high noon on that ill fated day
breakfast menus had been all put away
no sausage baps or fried greasy food
to ask for it now would Just be rude.

Betty's rules were clear, feared and fabled
she had a sign placed on each table
after 12 came the lunch time snacks
dont dare mention things cooked in fat.

Then in fell Billy from the Slaughtered Lamb
a drunken soul and a hulk of a man.
Where's Betty he cried, cause I needs my grub
bin drinkin all night in there yonder pub.

Better she gits me my full english feast
or all ye kind folks are in fer a treat.
as the town hall clock struck quart past the hour
Betty emerged, her face covered in flour.

Been bakein bitch? well I aint fer quaking
you gits me my grub and I aint fakein.
He unbuttoned his coat, took of his bob hat
She untied her piny, I'm not takin that.

As the microwave pinged Bill showed no remorse
and covered old Betty in toe maytoe sauce
now betty stayed calm, slowly took off her glasses
then beat Billy blind with a tin of molasses.

There's many a tale of Bills sticky end
but I'll tell it true so listen up friends.
She stapled a menu to his big bare ass
inserted a breadstick that stood like a mast.