CREATING A POEM

[tectak]

Hi zorcas,
you have put this in the workshopping forum. I assume it is your intention to workshop it. Here are some observations.
Best,
tectak

“In air swollen
with tan shreds
and sapphire spheres
bobbing and circling 
white waves
ringed in red, Obscurity is not my thing...especially when it is not possible (for anyone) to tell if the imagery is deliberately penned to be difficult to make any sense of...or just nonsense verse. Over many years, both categories have featured on this and all other sites. Vanity sites DO tend to defend obscurity (just in case they get the wrong category) but this site one can actually SAY what the reader thinks without upsetting the writer. So here goes. I believe it is nonsense verse...thus far.
Pompeii’s Princess I want to believe we are being treated to a descriptive bit of prose on a volcanic eruption. Yes...that must be it. Working on that hypothesis I think you should get your Pompeii in earlier...I mean , why make your reader work hard to "get" it?
Penelope finds
the fisher’s shack.
 
“Wet, cold, afraid,
she stumbles in,
coughing.
Seeing her friend,
Penelope gasps,
‘Verily, Vesuvius
hath killed me.’
‘Fear not. I shall
breathe new life
into you,’ said--” Now come along. This is nursery rhyme stuff...and ill-conceived at that. The mock-medieval mode is of no purpose. A rewrite I think....if you are serious, of course.

Meow!

A bit of cereal,
two blueberries,
five laps of milk left
in my red bowl.
Down it goes.
“That should perk you up.”
 
Penelope can wait.
Kitty comes first. Notwithstanding that the King is wearing his new suit of clothes, I will not defend this piece beyond reason. If you could pull it in to some kind of themed nonsense verse, then OK; but left as is, there is nothing poetically significant enough to justify its location in a Serious Workshopping forum. Your call.
Best,
tectak