11-06-2016, 03:29 PM
MHenry: I learned a new word today: consonance! 
Thanks for giving me your thoughts and welcome to the site! >
<
< That's such a gift for me to hear!
Yeah, this is definitely an angrier piece. Except for one bit, all of these things were done by friends of my brother's, and so I'm glad that that heat, that energy is coming through. The only bit that I made up completely was the bit you said to cut!!! (about the dogs, and all) It's not made up in the sense that it doesn't happen, but that's the part that didn't specifically happen to me or anyone I know. I think it's a testament to your 'ear' as a reader that you could hear a difference, and I thank you very much for letting me know that it fell flat. That tells me that I need to keep everything in this piece true to life. Good. Helps me narrow the focus.
You know, what happens when you drive into a cornfield entirely depends on the height of the corn. If I were you, I'd choose a soybean field instead.
I meant dispatch in the sense of...dispatching something with extreme prejudice. Eliminating, destroying, etc. It sounded good with hatchback.....we'll see if it keeps tripping people up. Initially I had, 'speed your mom's Camry into a ditch', and I can always go back to that. Just looking for something a little bit interesting from a tonal standpoint.
Thanks for giving me your thoughts and welcome to the site! >
<(11-06-2016, 05:51 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: Wow lizziep I love this poem! I wrote it all out and got a chill...I'm honored that you spent so much time on it, Crundalism! >
First I think the content applies to way more people than the title suggests. way more people. I feel a lot of anger coming out all the way through in a lose lose situation. anger at cellphones, anger at destructive stupidity, and tying the two together works pretty brilliantly.
< That's such a gift for me to hear! Yeah, this is definitely an angrier piece. Except for one bit, all of these things were done by friends of my brother's, and so I'm glad that that heat, that energy is coming through. The only bit that I made up completely was the bit you said to cut!!! (about the dogs, and all) It's not made up in the sense that it doesn't happen, but that's the part that didn't specifically happen to me or anyone I know. I think it's a testament to your 'ear' as a reader that you could hear a difference, and I thank you very much for letting me know that it fell flat. That tells me that I need to keep everything in this piece true to life. Good. Helps me narrow the focus.
You know, what happens when you drive into a cornfield entirely depends on the height of the corn. If I were you, I'd choose a soybean field instead.
I meant dispatch in the sense of...dispatching something with extreme prejudice. Eliminating, destroying, etc. It sounded good with hatchback.....we'll see if it keeps tripping people up. Initially I had, 'speed your mom's Camry into a ditch', and I can always go back to that. Just looking for something a little bit interesting from a tonal standpoint.