Brimful [edit]

[RiverNotch]

Can it be haiku with people in it?  Have to check the rules  .

The last line had "a" in it, as your suggestion does, which bumped the syllable count.  Somehow I missed that in editing and posting.

I agree, lack of articles a flaw.  Going full-house Japanese with their shallow dishes of sake for drinking might help (what's the formal name for those?)  Disagree with "ambling," though - I'm trying for the slow, jittery caution of an arthritic man - ambling is too relaxed.

Since in some of the Basho poems I've read, I remember the priest being an actual character in poem, so I suppose it works -- "ambles" was less the desired word, more the desired syllabication -- I don't have a clue what's the better word -- and masu or choko, says wikipedia.